2019 is the year for honesty, and I wasn’t happy with the person I was a one or two years ago. I don’t consider my former self a bad person, rather someone who just isn’t who I am anymore. At the core of who I am today is someone who speaks their truth, no matter what, in words and in action. To be myself unapologetically had always been a challenge for me, I would find it easier to be more of myself in certain spaces over others. I also took what people said and did, even if it affected me indirectly, so incredibly personal, and ultimately, that affected how I thought about myself.
It was just recently that I learned about the value and power of your thoughts, especially your sub-conscience ones, more importantly your sub conscience thoughts about yourself. They shape everything you see around you, and when I understood that, it was really difficult for me to accept myself habitually responding to anything I felt attacked me or any part of me. It was like I was looking at the world through tainted lenses, perceiving actions, words and thoughts as bad and good, rather than just occurrences and events.
Once I was able to step back, and take myself out of the equation, I found myself better capable of empathizing with people, rather than demonizing them, understanding that their thoughts and actions are a result of their reality and their relationship with themselves and have nothing to do with me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had to pull the hood out of me on many occasions (305tillidie!) , however I found I had gained a new ability, I now could choose how I responded to people and situations, and sometimes that meant not at all.
I was recently introduced to a very interesting experiment that conducted by Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson that offered strong support for the hypothesis that reality can be positively or negatively influenced by the expectations of others, called the observer-expectancy effect. The study showed that, if teachers were led to expect enhanced performance from children, then the children’s performance was enhanced. Rosenthal argued that biased expectancies could affect reality and create self-fulfilling prophecies. This basically describes The Pygmalion effect, or Rosenthal effect, a phenomenon describing how others’ expectations of someone affecting the another’s performance.￼ The effect is named after the Greek myth of Pygmalion, a sculptor who fell in love with a statue he had carved, or alternately, after the Rosenthal–Jacobson study.
*Ok so Lady get on with it then, what are your tips to stop having other people’s projections of themselves affect me a negative way?*
1. Stop Worrying About What Other People Think.
I’ll say this one time and one time only, the only opinion about you that matters is your own. You’re subconsciously churning out experiences that reflect who you are on the inside. If you’re insecure about anything, you must and will manifest people and experiences that trigger you into habitual action, and most times those actions are to our detriment. So know exactly who you are and what you’re capable of.
2. Know Your Worth.
You’re not going to believe what other people think and say about you, when you know who you are, and you like who you are. Having self-confidence, and knowing your self-worth is the foundation on which everything else is built: your achievements, your relationships, your ability to keep going when life and work gets tough. Doing the work to have self-confidence, and self-worth is the best work you will put in. The dividends will show in every aspect of your life, personally and professionally.
3. Don’t Jump To Conclusions.
You must understand that people’s actions have nothing to do with you. According to Psychology Today, when people make a judgement about you, or critiques, they are rarely about you, but rather, more about themselves. To help manage your response to confrontation, know what you’re sensitive about, and what triggers your emotions so you can prepare yourself if someone mentions them.
4. Let Things Go.
Frame painful experiences as lessons, on how to be stronger and how to better navigate bad situations. Do not let them make you angry or bitter, use them to make you better and move on. Holding on to pain does more damage to you than to the other person. So learn to let things go, make more room for joy and happiness.
5. Don’t Climb Down
When someone disrespects you or is cruel to you, the worst reaction is to reply with more negativity and toxicity. Do not climb down the rabbit hole, and be part of the problem. It may be satisfying in the moment, but it won’t be in the long term, and will likely be something you regret. Take the high road, and let it wash off of you.
I hope these tips helped tribe, or at least made you question how much of you is you, and not projections of other people’s thoughts and ideas about you. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Like, comment and share with a friend!
Until next time,