Womanhood can be painful, especially when it comes to matters of the bedroom. Sex. Everyone has it. It’s a singular, common experience, however, even in something so uniform, there is extreme variation, especially in how we express love and desire. Most associate sex with positive feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction. Then, there is growing number of us that associate sex with negative emotions of self hate, or even nothing at all. An empty void, free of emotion and connection.
My experiences were varied, but mostly negative and I ended up in the latter group. Most experiences had nothing to do with love or feelings and everything to do with everything else, and thus for me, and became so warped that I no longer could feel much of anything. Yes, I can be a drama queen, but unfortunately this is quite a common story for many. Making painful associations with love, having warped views on what sensuality and desire look like, all lead to the total emotional and physical shut down some experience.
Then, there are general feelings of general confusion and dissatisfaction, especially when first navigating your desires. An inexperienced partner can put the cherry on top. Haili Blasingame, a fellow feminist author (totally check her out) writes about her experiences with coming of age and navigating the world of self realization through various border line failed sexual experiences in A Sexual Education: My Feminist Truth About Painful Sex and Womanhood. She writes “The loss of my virginity stretched over an indefinite period of time, like a shadow belonging to someone else that, for some reason, has attached itself to me. Unlike in the stories, the fantasies my friends and I fed each other, my vagina resists most who try. “Let’s try this way, or this way, or this way,” they insist, like I am a doll to be repositioned so that my stitching won’t come undone, so that my stuffing won’t spill from the seams.”
I’ve had many conversations with women, all of them having varied sexual experiences, each lends to its own when it comes to satisfaction. However, one common thread was still ever woven through us all. When it comes to sex, something was missing. In some extreme cases, something was there that shouldn’t be. Until recently, I was so out of touch with my own body and sensuality that I was literally starving my body and life of pleasure. I could not allow myself to feel what I needed to feel, whether it be love, pain, bliss or pleasure. It was an endless blank slate. Never feeling, never reacting. The journey to awakening and embodying my sensuality has been the most rewarding and divine journey for me and I’ve had the privilege of witnessing other women step into their own sensual journey as well. We always have it within us, but sometimes it gets shut down or sits dormant, until we ignite that inner fire again.
Here are a few ways you can embody and evoke your inner goddess today. Thank me later! K, thanks, byeeeee.
To become sensually embodied, it’s imperative to get naked internally and externally. Get really honest with where you are in your life and in your sensual journey. Then, shed your clothes and simply feel what it’s like to be in your own skin. Admire and honor your body as it is. Look yourself in the eyes, lovingly, in the mirror, breathing deeply, and scan your entire body from head to toe thanking each section or body part.
To reawaken the senses, we must begin by exploring our entire body. Touch your skin lightly with a feather or your fingertips. Trail your fingertips along your arms, your face, your breasts, your inner thighs and anywhere else that normally gets ignored. You can make this a long, indulgent ritual by lighting candles and playing soft, sensual music. The point here is to treat your body like a sacred temple, so practice worshipping your sensuality and your body!
This is one of my favorites as it helped me re-establish a healthy, more ritualistic way of honoring my body and eating food. A lot of us suffer from disordered eating, counting calories, following fad diets to only be disappointed or skipping meals entirely thinking it will help with weight loss. Until you truly honor and listen to your body’s true needs, you will most likely not get the results you want, plus you’ll miss out on the main benefit, which is self-love.
The next time your body tells you she needs a certain type of food, prepare it with love. Make the environment healing and uplifting. Dance, sing or listen to positive music as you cook and infuse all of your love and healing intentions into your food. Set the space and plate your meal beautifully. Then, if you wish, you can say a prayer or bless your food. When it comes to actually eating, go slow. Seduce yourself with your food. Treat the food like your lover and make it about love, bliss and pleasure. You can smell the food, taste it off of your fingertips or slowly tease yourself with it. Don’t forget to breathe deeply and chew each bite really well, enjoying the flavors fully.
Harness your sexual, feminine energy
The sacral chakra houses our true feminine power. This is where our creativity, feminine ability to attract and receive things and our sexuality resides. If you think about it, our bodies have the ability to literally create life in the form of a baby. So if you’re not using your sexual energy to create a baby, you can use this energy to create projects or manifest your wildest desires into reality! You can do this using many different techniques, but you can start slowly by breathing deeply into your womb and ovaries. As you inhale, inflate your belly and imagine pure gold energy circling through your womb and ovaries. As you exhale, imagine that energy flowing through your whole body, nourishing you and allowing you to magnetize and create all that you want and more.
Cultivate sacred sisterhood
There is nothing more powerful than two or more empowered, conscious women coming together. It’s a magical force that can influence creation of beautiful ideas, projects and movements. Women who have a healthy relationship with other women and can truly appreciate those women for their own unique, feminine power are able to feel even more embodied in their own sensual nature.
Invite pleasure into your body and life
This is both sexual and non-sexual pleasure. It’s important to allow ourselves to receive pleasure on a daily basis. Whether it’s eating something that is really delicious to you, indulging in a candlelit bath or having a sexual self-pleasure ritual, it’s all necessary to feeling your sensual side come alive. We are often conditioned to believe that pleasure is bad or only for certain people or situations, but the reality is that pleasure is absolutely your birthright.
Move your body how she craves to move
I personally love to dance, whether it’s slow and sensual movement or creating striking lines, I enjoy pole dancing and aerial arts or just getting really wild and expressing my feelings to loud music on an emotionally charged day. If you’re body craves to feel flexible and strong, then try a yoga class. If you want to explore nature while moving, take a walk on the beach or go hiking in the woods. The sky is the limit, but really take the time to ask your body how she wants to move. Exercise and movement don’t have to be boring or routine. Follow your body, really listen in and she’ll be sure to let you know what she longs for. No matter what you choose to do, ask yourself “how can I make the way I’m moving my body more pleasurable or sensually exciting?”
I hope that you enjoy these ideas and rituals to embodying your sensual side. Just remember that it’s all about FEELING good in your own sensual journey. Sensual awakening and embodiment is unique to you as each one of us enjoys sensual stimulation differently. Honor your own journey and you’ll absolutely feel more sensually embodied as a woman.
I think it would make all the difference, if we understood the true power of ourselves, from an extremely young age. The importance of protecting your energy and being responsible for the energy you bring to the table. To start living consciously should be a goal we all set this year, and it starts when you’re young. Ms. Blasingame writes “When my daughter asks of sex, I will tell her this: everything in this world has a beginning and an end, even the universe which arches infinitely, impossibly towards its own darkness. But there are moments when endings arrive swaddled in beginnings, like a woman’s first time.” I hope you find peace with yourself and your desires, and accept them as not foul and sinful but the opposite. Let’s treat ourselves with respect.
Until next time tribe,