I was talking to my brother tonight, thinking back to all the crazy stuff we have been through. The topic of family came up, and how we grew up under the impression that certain things were normal , when in reality, they weren’t. I’m fortunate to realize, that, now I’m older, a lot of the things I was exposed to growing up had such a huge impact on who I was. The scariest thing is, I didn’t see their influences manifest until much later, often times, when it was too late. I’ve always considered myself an open-minded person, but I’ve recently surprised myself at the entire mind shift that I have been through. I’m talking total mind blow. I would find myself in situations that I would have never dreamed possible (I have CRAZY ass stories, comment if you want to hear).
I would also never understand why me, of all people, could end up in a situation like that, a human like that, looking stupid like that. I would always find myself attracting all these damaged and broken people who would leave me even more damaged and broken than I already was. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I was carrying baggage that wasn’t even mine to begin with. I was reproducing what I had grown up learning. I was recycling my own experiences, based on the expectations I had for myself and others. To put in plain words, I had unrealistic expectations. Now unrealistic doesn’t have to be the token “that will never happen” but it can be expecting a different outcome when you know better. I had a lot of shit that I had to let go, in order to grow, and become aligned with who I always felt I was. Letting shit go isn’t easy, but here are some things that helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- Learn from the past.
I mean that shit. LEARN! If you’ve seen something before, even if you feel like you have, listen to yourself. Listen to your gut. Literally. Your gut has its own neural network, just like your brain (comment if you want a post about that I love science!)
2. Let go of repeating thoughts.
I tend to over analyze situations and come up with a million ways I went wrong or could have changed the outcome of the situation (anxiety is a total bitch). Truth be told, you just need to move on. Accepting that things are the way they are and if they’re meant to change they will changed my life.
3. Realize and remember that not everything is meant to last, or to start.
I’m a hopeless romantic and tend to be shit out of luck when my many fairytale day dreams of being whisked away on a unicorn don’t come true(I’m weird, I’m no basic bitch). “There is the saying that every person or thing that comes into our lives is for ‘a reason, a season, or a lifetime.’ This is true of all types of relationships, good or bad,”.
4. Work on that self-esteem.
I cannot stress this enough. In order to move on from a past relationship — especially if it was really bad and confidence-ruining — it’s going to be necessary to pick yourself up. One way to do this is to recognize that you are worth more than how you have been treated. Working on your self-esteem will also help keep you out of unhealthy relationship and friendship patterns. So get to fixin’ it.
5. Have a positive outlook.
Just know that every step you take is the step in the right direction when you follow your spirit. Notice I said spirit, not heart (that bitch will get you into so many wtf situations). It’s that quiet voice that we drown out. It’s there for a reason. OK, so maybe things are difficult right now. But hey, you’re taking steps to feel better, right? Having a positive outlook as you go through this whole process can really help, according to O’Connor. Give yourself some credit for wanting to move on, and hopefully you’ll start to feel better soon.
Practicing these things in my daily life helped to recognize what was and wasn’t for me, in myself and in others. Hopefully they help someone as well.